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Relationship difficulties

Sex

No one would expect a child to speak fluently without having to learn and practice. Most people would be surprised if the Halls of Residence only gave one choice of breakfast or if all students were expected to dress the same. Ordinary people expect to have good days and bad days when it comes to working or performing a sport. However, when it comes to sex we have a tendency to completely forget that we are all human and all different, and we expect to have instant expertise, total conformity and complete predictability.

Permission

Give yourself permission to think about sex, to fantasise about it and to talk about it and to accept that it is perfectly alright for you to have your own likes and dislikes. Sadly many people have grown up with the idea that it is wrong to have sexual feelings and desires. Most people find their sexuality is enhanced when they stop making rules about what they and their partners ought to like and begin to consider what they actually do enjoy. We have to keep our sexual activities within the bounds of what is safe and what does not threaten the freedom of others. However that does not mean we have to strait-jacket our thinking.

Information

Ignorance perpetuates many sexual difficulties. Most people can expect to experience a loss of sexual desire when they are stressed. The simultaneous orgasm invariably depicted by film-makers and novelists is not the experience of the majority of couples. Most peoples' sexual appetite and preference change as they grow older. Lack of knowledge about contraception and sexually transmitted diseases can lead to great unhappiness when events occur which might have been avoided. There is a lot of information available about sex - the websites recommended below contain much useful information and are a good place to start. Otherwise come and talk to one of the Counsellors.

 Sexpression is a King's website run by volunteer undergraduates. It provides good quality information on sex and sexual health

 Sex: Worth talking about  Part of NHS Choices, this website has a host of information on sexual relationships, contraception and sexual health

The King’s Health Centre website provides further information about sexual health and contraception, and details of booking a sexual health appointment.
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