Who has never felt angry? We all have at some point! We often get angry when there is a mismatch between what we expect and what we experience. For example, when we expect something to be fair, but it isn’t.

Anger is a fuel and can be helpful when well-managed: it can give us the energy to change something we don’t like. Iconic figures like Malala or Nelson Mandela acted against major social problems because they felt angry about injustices. However, when anger is out of control, it can be dangerous. It can make us think and act in unhelpful ways. Here are some tips that many young people have found helpful in coping with their anger.

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Recognise the early warning signs.

Recognise your anger triggers and signs so you can avoid or prepare for them. Keep a diary so you can document what your triggers are, and keep note of your warning signs. For example how does your body feel in the moment? Shaky? Tense?

Once you become more aware of your triggers and signs, you will be in a better position to manage your anger. But beware, anger can also be triggered by memories about the past or worries about the future. Mindfulness exercises, which help you to focus on the present moment, can be useful to avoid those triggers.

Take yourself away from the situation.

Plan for it. When you are angry, it can be difficult to think logically or find an alternative to acting out. Therefore, it is helpful to make a simple, clear plan in advance of a ‘crisis’.

A good anger management strategy is to remove yourself from the situation and do something else. This can be physical exercise, self-soothing activities, or relaxation (counting to ten, breathing slowly etc.). To avoid crises, try the following methods.

Boxing can help control your anger.

The amount of anger you experience when you meet a trigger varies depending on how you are feeling at the time. For example, you may get angrier when you're hungry, tired, stressed, or feel rushed.

The good news is that you can do something about it by engaging in an exercise such as boxing. You'll improve both your physical and emotional wellbeing. Help yourself further by eating regularly, sleeping enough, and managing your time well. Anxiety and sadness can also make you more likely to get angry. Therefore, it is helpful to learn how to cope with those other emotions to reduce anger.

Let anger out by writing down exactly how you feel.

Write it all down. Holding angry thoughts inside your head can make you dwell more on them thus increasing your anger. Try writing them down to gain some distance and perspective and see if it makes you feel any calmer. It can also be helpful to write down how and why you are choosing to move on from what made you angry. Come back to look at what you have written if you feel anger bubbling up again.

Getting too angry can make it hard to see a situation from the correct perspective.

Be aware of your views and how they affect you. Like all emotions, anger is not just a feeling but a big influence on your thoughts and behaviour. Anger can make you very judgmental, which will increase your anger and continue the cycle.

For example, you may find yourself using shorthand labels that don’t communicate much. Phrases such as "He’s stupid" or ‘I’m stupid’ will only add fuel to the fire. It can be hard to notice these thoughts when you're angry. So when you catch yourself thinking 'angry thoughts', ask yourself whether there might be another way of seeing things. What might you tell a friend in the same situation?

Try to be non-judgmental and instead focus on the facts and the emotions. It's okay to say you feel hurt because a friend ignored you, or that you feel guilty when you lash out at people you love. This way, you'll learn more about your triggers and yourself, and find effective ways to reduce your anger. The more you focus on blaming or judging others the less likely you are to find a solution to the thing we’re angry about.

Let people know how you're feeling.

Be assertive. It's easy to get angry when you struggle to communicate with others or don’t feel listened to. You may find it difficult to speak up and express your views, perhaps for fear of upsetting others, only to see you're not taken seriously. On the other you may be quick to express negative thoughts. You might reveal your views without regard for others: yelling, swearing, or being sarcastic, which may cause others to react badly.

Communication in both scenarios can trigger anger, so opt for being assertive without being negative. Being assertive means expressing your views with clarity, confidence, and consideration of others. How can you become more assertive? Be clear about what you want or think, and express it with confidence.

Also be clear about what others want or think. Ask questions and clarify where necessary so you can accommodate their needs and find ‘win-win’ solutions. Try not to blame others for your own emotions. But equally don’t hold yourself responsible for how others feel about you. Sometimes you’ll have to agree to disagree.

More KeepCool information

• Read more about the KeepCool project
• Find out more about coping strategies for sadness
• Find out more about coping strategies for anxiety.

Crisis helplines

If you are in crisis, please contact your GP or one of the following organisations that can offer advice:

• Call Samaritans at 116 123 (lines open 24/7) or visit their website at www.samaritans.org.
• Call Childline at 0800 1111 (lines open 7.30am to 3.30am Monday to Friday, and 9am to 3.30am Saturday to Sunday) or visit their website at www.childline.org.uk.
• Call Mind at 0300 123 3393 (9am to 6pm, Monday to Friday, except for bank holidays) or visit their website at www.mind.org.uk.