Reflections on My Journey (Through a PhD and Across Europe)

Conferences are sometimes a story of two conflicting emotions for me. Seeing the incredible work that my peers are conducting always inspires me, excites me and raises questions about my own work that I hadn’t thought to ask (incredibly helpful!). Simultaneously, it can be intimidating to witness everyone’s impressiveness, and the imposter syndrome usually kicks in on around the second day (slightly less helpful!). This time compounded by my impending thesis deadline (109 days at the time of writing this blog, even less now as you’re reading it), I was in a somewhat nervous state when I stepped off the train in Bonn.

Luckily, I needn’t have worried. The conference was insightful, inspiring and all of the positive things I have come to expect from these international ADHD or psychiatry related conferences. But I hadn’t anticipated the reassurance and positivity towards my work that I would get this time round. Jonna, Aislinn and I received so much positive feedback on our project, the ADHD Remote Technology Study of Cardiometabolic Risk Factors and Medication Adherence (ART-CARMA), and people seemed genuinely excited to see our results and hear about our next steps. It was a nice reminder of why we are doing the work we are.

I presented a poster on my work on the ART-CARMA project. This was a qualitative paper, which is currently under review, exploring the perspectives of adults with ADHD on pharmacological treatment for ADHD. It was incredibly helpful for me to receive feedback and gain perspectives from our clinical colleagues especially. Overall, I left the conference feeling inspired and refreshed and confident in my ability to finish my thesis on time.

But that’s not to say there weren’t challenges. As teased in Aislinn’s blog, my optimism and newly adopted ‘everything will be fine’ attitude requires an appropriate time and place and is probably not applicable to public transport. Aislinn booked an earlier train that allowed for a longer connection in Cologne and, to put it simply, I did not. You’d think getting the train in and around the UK several times a week would have taught me to be cautious with connection times, but it seems that, after almost 3 years of a PhD, my capacity for learning may be maxed out! After a pretty nervy train ride where I contemplated the new life I was inevitably going to have to lead in Cologne and a rather unwelcome run through a busy train station with my luggage weighing me down, I was delighted to see Aislinn stood on the platform as our train to Brussels had also been delayed. I was back on track and on my way home.

Speaking with the amazing PhD students at the conference had calmed a stress that I hadn’t realised was building. This, coupled with the adrenaline from the train situation, propelled me to write 2000 words of one of my thesis chapters on the train to Brussels. I rewarded myself with a nap on the Eurostar and then I was practically home (where I also went straight to sleep).

As this was the last conference of my PhD, it feels only fitting to reflect on the first conference of my PhD, for which I flew to Amsterdam in early 2023. I was so nervous for my presentation I thought I might pass out and struggled to network. I made an attempt at small talk and scientific discussion before making my way through my talk with the microphone visibly shaking in my hand. Once my talk was over, I rushed to the airport only to be told my flight was cancelled and there wasn’t one going to the UK until the following day (and that was going to Birmingham. I live in London). It feels like two huge developments that I am now so much more confident and comfortable at conferences and will never again have to spend 14 hours sleeping on an airport floor (with the latter win being thanks to IGUANA and train travel!).

Echoing Aislinn’s sentiment from last week’s blog, I’m hopeful that more researchers and academics will embrace low-carbon travel and I sincerely urge them, when they do, to follow Aislinn’s example and not mine!