Parental divorce
Approximately one in three marriages end in divorce and it is relatively common for parents to wait until their children leave home before separating. To parents it may look as if they are no longer needed and they may assume children won't be so greatly affected because they are older. But don’t add your own unrealistic expectations to theirs!
Parental divorce is a major change in the structure of whatever secure base your family has provided. It is unrealistic to expect yourself to feel and behave ‘reasonably’ at all times.
The inital impact
Whether the news comes as a surprise or not, from that point on your life is going to alter and it is highly likely that you will experience intense feelings (though there isn't anything wrong with you if you don't). Usually there are mixed feelings. These may include:
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Shock
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Powerlessness
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Insecurity
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Confusion
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Anger
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Sadness
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Anxiety
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Guilt.
A lot of these feelings are of grieving for your loss, and these losses, both practical and emotional, may initially cause you most concern:
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Loss of "home", physically and emotionally
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Loss of security and the protection a united family can provide
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Loss of financial stability as your parents become separate entities
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Loss of trust of past and future
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Loss of parental interest as they struggle with their own lives and feelings
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Loss of continuity and the uncertainty which goes with it
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Loss of whatever your family has meant to you up until now.
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Try not to get caught in the conflict between your parents, it is their situation and they need to face one another in sorting things out.
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If one or both parents are leaning too heavily on you for support think, possibly with your parents, who else they can turn to. There will be limits to how much you tolerate, bearing in mind all the other things you have to do.
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Talk to both your parents about what has happened and is going to happen.
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Involve yourself with your parents about provisions being made for you, letting them know what you need and want to do. Having a home continues to be important into adult life even if you spend little time there.
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Talk to your friends. It may help to actively seek people/friends you know who have been through a similar experience.
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Let your personal tutor or someone else in your department know about the circumstances so that any problems with work can be allowed for and support and practical help offered where needed.
Support and information
If you are struggling with the impact of your parents’ divorce, it may help to make an appointment at the Counselling Service, where you can talk to someone who is completely separate from all other aspects of your life. Here you can express your feelings freely and take time to begin to come to terms with some of the changes you are facing.
Relate also offer a counselling service for young people (under 25) who are affected by their parents’ separation.